Funny Chuck Norris Facts

1.Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Chuck Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.

2.Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

3.The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

4.Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

5.Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

6.Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

7.Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

8.If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.

9.Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

10.Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck Norris's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck Norris still has two testicles; either he was able to produce a new one simply by flexing, or he had three to begin with. No one knows for sure.

11.Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

12.The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.

13.Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way.

14.Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

15.Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

16.Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.

17.Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

18.Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

19.Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

20.Chuck Norris eats the core of an apple first

Atlantic Ocean Facts about Atlantis

Inside the Atlantic Ocean there is a sea about 9,000 miles long called the Sargasso Sea. It is thought of as the “Deadly Sea” because there are thousands of pounds of seaweed. It is believed by people that when ships would go there that the seaweed would strangle the boats and make them sink.

Some people say the Atlantic Ocean got its name from the lost city of Atlantis.

The largest ocean is the Pacific. The second largest is the Atlantic. The third largest is the Indian.

The Atlantic Ocean takes up one fifth of the earth’s surface. The deepest point of the ocean is 28,374 feet.

Dr. Ballard explored the Atlantic Ocean and he also worked on bringing up the Titanic. If you want to learn more about the Titanic and Dr. Ballard, go to Shipwrecks.

The Atlantic Ocean holds 17 quadrillion gallons of water.

The width of the Atlantic Ocean is 31,660,446 square miles.

In the northern part of the Atlantic Ocean there are icebergs. Parts of the iceberg break off and they float into the water.

Other people like the Romans say it got its name from the Atlas mountains which surrounds the Atlantic Ocean.

Under the Atlantic Ocean there are plates about 3 to 4 miles thick. These plates are always forming so when more plates come the old ones fall into the middle of the earth and melt into magma. The magma then floats up and goes into volcanoes. That’s why volcanoes erupt.

Weird TV Facts

1 Fade to black: On February 17, television stations will broadcast only digital signals, ending the run of the TV system used in the United States for the past 55 years.

2 The digital television signal can transmit pictures composed of up to 1,080 lines. That’s a long way from the first TV, demonstrated by John Logie Baird in 1926. It used just 30 lines to create a coarse image.

3 Baird’s television looked like a peep-show device, held together with scrap wood, darning needles, string, and sealing wax. His invention was partly mechanical, relying on a spinning metal disk with a spiral of holes to chop up images for transmission.

4 Two years later, Baird demonstrated color television, but black-and-white TV ruled for decades. People who watched such television as kids are more likely to dream in black and white than those who grew up with color TV.

5 Yes, it existed before Monty Python. On August 22, 1932, the BBC began regular broad-casts using the Baird system.

6 By 1935 there were some 2,000 Baird TVs in use. They cost ￡26 each—the equivalent of $7,700 today.

7 The largest plasma TV now available, a 103-inch monster made by Panasonic, will set you back $70,000.

8 Are television execs playing with hellfire? The inventor of all-electronic TV, Philo T. Farnsworth, called television a gift from the Lord and warned that “God will hold accountable those who utilize this divine instrument.”

9 By the age of 14, the average American child has seen 11,000 murders on TV.

10 The first television advertisement, broadcast in New York on July 1, 1941, was a 20-second Bulova Watch spot that aired before a baseball game between the Brooklyn Dodgers and the Philadelphia Phillies. The cost for the air buy was $9.

11 In 2008 the average cost for a 30-second spot during the Super Bowl broadcast was $2.7 million, the most expensive airtime in the world.

12 Still trying: Last March, 80 years and a lot of cardboard glasses after the first experiments, the BBC once again tested a 3-D TV system—this time on 200 sports fans watching a special broadcast of a live rugby match.

13 Bad show: In August 2006 NASA announced that it had lost all the original tapes of Apollo 11’s TV transmission.

14 Gift of the gab? The long-est-running talk show in the world is either Ireland’s Late Late Show, first broadcast in 1962, or The Tonight Show, which began in 1954.

15 The debate over which show came first arises because The Tonight Show’s format and style didn’t settle down until Johnny Carson’s arrival a few months after The Late Late Show began airing.

16 When Sony started selling VCRs that could tape television shows in the 1970s, film studios sued it for promoting copyright piracy. The Supreme Court ultimately backed Sony, enshrining everyone’s right to time-shift the Survivor finale.

17 Is TV doomed? The
amount of video delivered by the Internet and viewed on computers is rapidly increasing: 7.5 billion video streams were watched in May 2008.

18 We are amused: Fifty years after her first televised Christmas address to the people of the U.K., Queen Elizabeth II launched her own YouTube channel.

19 About 36 percent (and rising) of cell phone users can now watch video beamed directly to their phones.

20 We can guess what they’ll be watching: A survey of 20 countries revealed that CSI: Miami is the most popular show on the planet.

Did You Know? Facts

Did You Know, Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

Did You Know, The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Did You Know, 40 percent of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

Did You Know, TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

Did You Know, Butterflies taste with their feet.

Did You Know, Coca-Cola was originally green.

Did You know, If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

Did You Know, Every day more money is printed for
Monopoly than the US Treasury.

Did You Know, It is impossible to lick your elbow.

Did You Know, Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

Weird Stupid Facts

During your lifetime, you'll eat about 60,000 pounds of food, that's the weight of about 6 elephants!

Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they cant find any food!

Dolphins sleep with one eye open!

The worlds oldest piece of chewing gum is over 9000 years old!

In space, astronauts cannot cry properly, because there is no gravity, so the tears can't flow down their faces!

There are more plastic flamingos in the U.S, than real ones!

About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians died by the time they were 30!

More people use blue toothbrushes, than red ones!

A sneeze travels out your mouth at over 100 m.p.h.!

Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, every time you breathe!

Weird Spider Facts

Certain female species of spiders such as the Australian crab spider, sacrifice their bodies as a food source for their offspring.

Some male spiders pluck their cobwebs like a guitar, to attract female spiders.

Fried spiders taste like nuts.

The largest spider ever was the Megarachne which had a diameter of 50 cm. The fossil was found in Argentina.

The bite from a black widow spider is not automatically fatal. In fact, less than 1% of all people bitten by this spider run the risk of dying, and most of them are saved with the use of antivenin.

The skeleton of a spider is located on the outside of the body.

Spiders usually have eight eyes, but still they cannot see that well.

There are about 34,000 species of spiders.

Spiders have claws at the ends of their legs.

Only the female black widow spider has a poisonous bite. The male spider's venom is not poisonous and it does not attack its prey.

Of the 35,000 species of spiders, only 27 species are known to have caused human fatalities.

Stupid Funny Facts

When Coca Cola was first produced, it was created as a “Brain Tonic”!

If you stretched out the human skin of an adult male, the skin would cover about 21 square feet!

If you were to take every blood vessel in your body, and then lay them out end to end, the line would stretch about 70,000 miles!

By the age of 60, the average human will have lost over half of his or her taste buds

After you have died, and been creamated, the average human bodys’ ashes weigh about 9 pounds!

When you squeeze your eyes shut, and you see those little lights, those are called Phosphenes.

When you squeeze your eyes shut, and you see those little lights, those are called Phosphenes.

The human kidneys work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. On any given day, the kidneys will filter about 400 gallons of blood!

The fingerprints on a koala bears are to being the same as a humans that they could easily be confused at a crime investigation.

The mask Michael Myers used in the horror flick “Halloween” was a Captain Kirk mask painted white.

The longest a chicken ever flew, on record, is thirteen seconds.

The average life span of a major league baseball is 7 pitches, and then it’s thrown away or caught by a fan.

We, Humans, are the only thing on earth that doesn’t have pigment on the palms of it’s hands.

The 3 most valuable brand names in the world are: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser. The’re listed in that order, too.

3,000 cows are slaughtered ever year to supply the NFL with enough leather for one season worth of footballs.

Termites eat twice as fast when their listening to Heavy Metal music.

With three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you get $1.19. You also get the largest amount of money in coins and still can’t make change for a dollar!

A mice and giraffes have the same amount of vertebrae, 7. A giraffe’s are spaced out farther than the mouse’s obviously.

People who are right handed live longer that left handed people by an average of 9 years!

There were problems when they tried to sell that old drink Fresca, in Mexico. In Mexico, Fresca is a slang term for lesbian!

Cool Animal Facts

The chameleon has a tongue that is 1.5 times the length of its body!

Squirrels can't remember where they hide half of their nuts.

Only male crickets can chirp.

A rabbit's teeth never stop growing.

Alligators cannot move backwards.

Texas horned toads can shoot blood out of the corners of their eyes.

The faster kangaroos hop, the less energy they use.

An okapi's tongue can grow to be 17 inches long.
An owl's eyes are bigger than its brain.

Salamanders breath through their skin.

The guanaco of South America, a cousin of the camel, has pads on its feet to keep its feet from burning on desert sand or freezing in mountain snow.

Foxes sometimes nip at the heals of cattle so the stomping of the cattle makes mice and other rodents come out of the ground, for the fox to eat.

Salamanders are known to come out of wood when it was burning inside a fireplace, this is because Salamanders hibernate in wood.

Whether an alligator is a male or female is determined by the temperature of the nest where the egg is hatched – 90 to 93 degrees will make it a male; 82 to 86 degrees will turn it into a female.

Some animals produce their own lights, called bioluminescence. The Brazilian railroad worm has a red light on its head and green lights down its side. All it needs to drive on the street is a turn signal.

You may have heard someone say, "It’s raining cats and dogs." There have been actual documented cases from all over the world of fish, frogs, dead birds, snakes, snails, beetles, worms and jellyfish raining down from the sky in great numbers, but no reports of showers of cats or dogs.

Funny Facts About Old Men and Women

Facts About Old Men and Women
Q: Where can guys over 65 find youthful, pretty women who are interested in dating them?

A: Look in the library-------under Romantic Fiction.

Q: How can a guy cope during his wife's menopause?

A: By staying busy. If you're mechanically inclined, you can remodel the garage. When you are finished you will have a flat in which to live.

Q: How can a woman raise the heart rate of her 65+ year old spouse?

A: She should tell him she's with child.

Q: What can an older woman do for the wrinkles on her neck?

A: Don't wear a brassiere. The additional hanging "weights" will take out the wrinkles.

Q: How can older people remember where they parked their cars?

A: Use the Valet service. They have to remember where your car is.

Q: Do older people have problems storing their short term memories?

A: No, they have problems retrieving the memories from storage.

Q: Do older people have deeper sleep?

A: They do, but normally their deep sleep happens in the afternoon

Q: Where can older people find prescription eye glasses?

A: On top of their heads.

Q: What is the most often used sentence uttered by older people when they visit antique shops?

A: 'Gee, I have one of these.'
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Strange and Bizarre Facts

Eskimos use refrigerators to keep food FROM freezing.

The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog”, uses every letter in the alphabet.

Average life span of a major league baseball is 7 pitches.

A 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year by the weight of books.

Nutmeg can extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

The density of neuron star is 1.5 to 3 times of sun’s mass.

Almost 85% of the universe is a form of dark matter.
More...
The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It to Beaver".

Only one person in two billion will live up to 116 of age.

200 companies contributing 29% to the world economy employs only 0.9% of the world’s work force.

98 tons of ore historic buried plant material is used to make one U.S gallon of gasoline.

An estimated 16,000 people worldwide are becoming infected with HIV every day.

Strong negative emotions lead to damage of immune system.

Due to pollution and overfishing, population of American, Asian and Europeans eels have declined up to 99%.

The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.

Neutrons have a life of 14 minutes outside the nucleus of an atom.

Only 22% of original forests on earth have remained.

There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver.

Humans are the only primates having pigment in the palms of their hands.

On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.

Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California.

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