stupid news headlines

Now these are some stupid news headlines..how could you mess these up?

Evangelicals Refuse to Support Romney, Urge Voters to Write In Jesus

Internet evangelist Bill Keller is urging the faithful to promise to vote for Jesus for president in this election.
So far, his website, VotingforJesus.com, says it has more than 1.6 million pledges to write in the name of Jesus on their ballots instead of any other presidential candidate.
If even half of those who signed the pledge vote accordingly, this could signal real trouble for Mitt Romney in close races by reducing the pool of voters who usually opt for the GOP.

David Weber, Miami Beach Man, Tried To Buy Beer With Bartender's Own Stolen Credit Card

MIAMI BEACH, Fla. (Associated Press) -- Police in Miami Beach say a homeless man broke into a car, stole a credit card and then tried to use it to buy a beer - from the bartender the card belonged to....article

Boston student re-united with $170,000 violin (Reuters)

Reuters - Christmas came early for a Boston music student who was reunited with the $170,000 violin she forgot in the overhead compartment of a regional commuter bus she rode last week, police said.Boston student re-united with $170,000 violin (Reuters)

Deer crashes into Idaho elementary school

KETCHUM, Idaho, Nov. 4 (UPI) -- The principal of an Idaho elementary school said the building custodian arrived for work to find a deer had...Deer crashes into Idaho elementary school

Students punished for 'mutual hug'

PALM BAY, Fla., Nov. 4 (UPI) -- A Florida woman said she wants her son's middle school to do away with its no-hugging policy after her son received in-school suspension for a violation.Students punished for 'mutual hug'

Germany admits accounting blunder but no scapegoats (Reuters)

Reuters - The German government has no plans to sack the bankers or accountants who made a 55-billion euro ($75 billion) bookkeeping blunder that exposed it to ridicule across Europe, the finance minister said Wednesday.Germany admits accounting blunder but no scapegoats (Reuters)

Parishioners asked to attend church unarmed (Reuters)

Reuters - MILWAUKEE (Reuters)- Roman Catholic bishops in Wisconsin are urging their parishioners not to bring weapons to church now that a new law permits state residents to carry concealed firearms.Parishioners asked to attend church unarmed (Reuters)

Sculpture of Ai WeiWei corpse spooks German town (Reuters)

Reuters - A mock corpse of Chinese dissident artist Ai WeiWei in an art gallery has caused commotion in a small German town, leading some panicked residents, mistaking the statue for a real body, to alert the police.Sculpture of Ai WeiWei corpse spooks German town (Reuters)

Owner of car dealership labeled "Taliban Toyota" wins millions (Reuters)

Reuters - The owner of a large southwest Alabama car dealership derided as "Taliban Toyota" by a competitor has been awarded $7.5 million in damages after a jury trial for his slander claim.Owner of car dealership labeled "Taliban Toyota" wins millions (Reuters)

Surfer rides on back of shark

SEASIDE, Ore., Oct. 13 (UPI) -- An Oregon surfer who was knocked off his board by a 10- to 12-foot shark said he wound up riding for a few seconds on the large beast's back.Surfer rides on back of shark

Assisted suicide machine for sale in Kevorkian auction (Reuters)

Reuters - The "death machine" used by the late Dr. Jack Kevorkian in assisted suicides will be among the items up for auction in an estate sale in late October, according to the sale's coordinator.Assisted suicide machine for sale in Kevorkian auction (Reuters)

New app uses brainwaves to track sleep quality (Reuters)

Reuters - A new app that aims to improve both the quantity and quality of sleep uses brainwaves to track the amount of time spent in different stages of sleep.New app uses brainwaves to track sleep quality (Reuters)

Principal bans breast cancer T-shirts

GILBERT, Ariz., Oct. 14 (UPI) -- An Arizona high school has banned cheerleaders from wearing breast cancer awareness shirts with the message "Feel for lumps, save your bumps" to games.Principal bans breast cancer T-shirts

Utah wants rescuer gone from rental home

SALT LAKE CITY, Oct. 14 (UPI) -- Utah has filed court papers to remove an animal rescuer, and about 900 animals, from his rental home, which is in...Utah wants rescuer gone from rental home

Macabre twist as second car found at California cliff

A California man, who was missing for nearly a week, is found by his son and daughter, after he drove his car off a mountain road into a ...Macabre twist as second car found at California cliff

Drunk man steals ambulance, crashes it

CHICAGO, Oct. 2 (UPI) -- A 37-year-old drunk man stole an ambulance from a Chicago hospital before crashing it and needing assistance from another ambulance, police say.--Drunk man steals ambulance, crashes it

Belgium's "Mr Penguin" dreams of Antarctic funeral (Reuters)

Reuters - Belgian pensioner Alfred David dreams one day he'll find eternal rest in the icy waters somewhere near Antarctica, dressed in his penguin suit and laid out in a coffin decorated with penguins.Belgium's "Mr Penguin" dreams of Antarctic funeral (Reuters)

Holly Madison insures breasts for $1 million (Reuters)

Reuters - Reality TV star and model Holly Madison has insured her breasts for $1 million with Lloyd's of London, she told People magazine on Thursday.Holly Madison insures breasts for $1 million (Reuters)

Man creates 3D printer from Lego parts

SAO CAETANO DO SUL, Brazil, Aug. 23 (UPI) -- A designer for Brazilian company Zoom Education for Life has created a 3D printer, which carves shapes from foam, made almost entirely from Lego components.

Man creates 3D printer from Lego parts

Student arrested, accused of having gun on school bus (Reuters)

Reuters - An Anchorage high school student was arrested on Thursday after he was found carrying a loaded gun on a school bus, authorities said.Student arrested, accused of having gun on school bus (Reuters)

Reindeer herder finds baby mammoth in Russia Arctic (Reuters)

Reuters - A reindeer herder in Russia's Arctic has stumbled on the pre-historic remains of a baby woolly mammoth poking out of the permafrost, local officials said on Friday.

Reindeer herder finds baby mammoth in Russia Arctic (Reuters)

And America's most trusted celebrity is... (Reuters)

Reuters - Seems like former "Golden Girls" actress Betty White really does have the Midas touch.And America's most trusted celebrity is... (Reuters)

Vampire" arrest sparks discussion on pop culture (Reuters)

Reuters - The arrest of an American man who broke into a woman's house and tried to suck her blood over the weekend has sparked discussion about the impact of vampire books and movies on youth culture.

Vampire" arrest sparks discussion on pop culture (Reuters)

Cottonsoft hits back at 'outrageous' toilet paper claims

Toilet paper maker Cottonsoft has slammed as "wrong and outrageous" claims that its paper comes from felling Indonesian rainforests, home to critically endangered Sumatran tigers. Greenpeace, the ..

Cottonsoft hits back at 'outrageous' toilet paper claims

Hamburger Fest serves up deep-fried burger

AKRON, Ohio, Aug. 21 (UPI) -- The National Hamburger Festival in Akron, Ohio, was the place to be this weekend to get a taste of ...Hamburger Fest serves up deep-fried burger

Boa found at funeral ready for adoption

DERRY TOWNSHIP, Pa., Aug. 21 (UPI) -- A boa constrictor found during a funeral in Derry Township, Pa., has been nursed back to health and is now ready for adoption, zoo officials say.Boa found at funeral ready for adoption

Giant South American rodent spotted in California (Reuters)

Reuters - A giant South American rodent weighing at least 100 pounds (45 kgs) was spotted at a waste-water treatment facility in California recently before disappearing in the brush, according to a wildlife official.Giant South American rodent spotted in California (Reuters)

Tarantula fright at rail station (Reuters)

Reuters - A tarantula gave officials at Berlin's crowded Ostbahnhof rail station a scare when it crawled out of a bag left on a train, police said on Thursday.

Tarantula fright at rail station (Reuters)

Town asks mayor to quit after bar scuffle (Reuters)

Reuters - The mayor of a Wisconsin town has been asked to step down following a late-night bar room scuffle, but said on Thursday he would not resign despite a unanimous vote by a city council committee.Town asks mayor to quit after bar scuffle (Reuters)

Hordes of bats delight Texas city residents (Reuters)

Reuters - A drought in the state of Texas, where 1.5 million bats are living under a bridge in the city of Austin, has fueled a bat frenzy with locals gathering each night to view the nocturnal creatures.Hordes of bats delight Texas city residents (Reuters)

Woman faces trial for fake testicles (Reuters)

Reuters - The police chief of a small South Carolina town will ask a jury to decide if a woman broke the state's obscenity laws by driving a pickup truck with plastic testicles hanging from the backWoman faces trial for fake testicles (Reuters).

Sisters sue cemetery over grave mix-up (Reuters)

Reuters - American sisters Evelyn and Hortense Edwards spent two decades visiting what they thought was their mother's grave only to discover it contained the remains of a stranger.Sisters sue cemetery over grave mix-up (Reuters)

Calif. woman charged with torture in severed penis case (Reuters)

Reuters - A California woman was charged with torture on Wednesday after authorities said she cut off her husband's penis with a kitchen knife and ground it up in a garbage disposal.Calif. woman charged with torture in severed penis case (Reuters)

Woman takes out full-page newspaper ad to mourn cat

Milan, Italy - An Italian woman who took out a full-page newspaper ad to mourn the death of her beloved cat said her “profound feelings are beyond financial measure.” Luciana Matalon, 77, a Milan artist, said she took out the ad in the Corriere della Sera because of the connection she had with Sky, her recently deceased 15-year-old cat. “My profound feelings are beyond financial measure,” Matalon said. She said Sky helped her get past the pain of losing her husband several years ago.  More 

Preacher Zaps Cop, Gets Weekends Off From Jail To Preach

 Florida - A pastor was sentenced to 45 days in jail for an incident that happened last year; however, he is allowed to return to his church, the Pentecostal Apostolic Lighthouse Church, to preach on weekends. Pastor John Edwards was pulled over in front of his mother’s house around 3 a.m. According to the arrest report, Edwards got out of the car after being asked, but didn’t cooperate and was belligerent. The female officer took her taser and stunned Edwards twice, officials said. Edwards became enraged at being stunned and turned the taser on the officer, zapping her in the chest, according to the report. Edwards was found guilty of battery on a law enforcement officer for the incident.  More 

Doctors Astounded As Baby Weighs In At 16lb

Longview, Texas . "We're just amazed," Ms Johnson told the Longview News-Journal. "I can't believe he's that big. "A lot of the baby clothes we bought for him Doctors Astounded As Baby Weighs In At 16lb

Woman complains of lack of love song, is hit

AMBRIDGE, Pa. -- Authorities say that when a Pennsylvania woman complained that her songwriter boyfriend had never written a song about her, he choked her and hit her in the face.Ambridge police ...Woman complains of lack of love song, is hit

How about a beer with your iPhone? (Reuters)

Reuters - You can do a lot with an iPhone these days -- text, take pictures, surf the net, and even make a phone call.How about a beer with your iPhone? (Reuters)